Holiday Expectations
A few years ago I lost my shit on Christmas Day. There are only four people that witnessed it and though I’m not proud of my outburst, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Here is the truth; I love spending time with family and friends and having people visit our home. But I do not enjoy cooking for everyone. Maybe that’s because my mother is so good at hosting that I compare myself to her and can never meet my own expectations. Maybe it’s because I’m flooded with Instagram reels from Martha Stewart-like accounts and feel like my hosting abilities fall short. Who knows.
Here’s what I do know - I have stressed myself out during the holidays for years trying to be something I’m not. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I’ve focused on the parts of the holiday that I don’t enjoy, rather than the parts that bring me joy.
My dear friend and mentor loves to cook, makes gorgeous home decor from branches and flowers in the woods behind her home and creates the most beautiful art. She recently told me that her favorite part of hosting a holiday is the prep work she begins days before her first guest arrives. She pours herself and her joy into the creative process and it shows. She inspires me. But not to create a dried hydrangea covered mantlepiece masterpiece (seriously, you should see it, AMAZING). But rather to pour myself into creating something that I love.
I love connection. I love sharing stories. I love talking about art, finding how people are truly more alike than they realize. And I love laughing uncontrollably.
In the Yoga Sutras Patanjali describes Purusha and Prakriti. Prakriti is all of the things in life that are constantly changing, while Purusha is unchanging. We create our own suffering when we identify ourselves with things that are changing or temporary rather than rooting ourselves to the unchanging qualities of life.
Our asana practice is a great example of the difference between Purusha and Prakriti. Prakriti is what we do on our mats, Purusha is the practice. When I was in my 20’s I practiced a lot of vinyasa flow and arm balances out the wazoo. It was fun, fulfilling, and brought me joy. But 20 years later, not so much.
Now I find joy in a slower, more subtle, Iyengar-inspired practice. What I do on my mat has changed, but the practice of yoga itself never changes. It’s always there for me in whatever form I need.
When I let go of the idea that my yoga practice was about what I did on my mat and realized that it was actually about how I connect to my true self, the shift was life changing.
This holiday I’m grounding myself in joy by focusing on the things that I love. I’ll be there, hosting Christmas Eve dinner, drinking wine, telling stories, laughing with my family over a pre-cooked rosemary ham while the dishes sit unwashed in the sink.
